Hello Blog, it’s been awhile.
There’s a dozen reasons why I haven’t come to visit over the past two years–to dip my pen in those supple, electronic pages of yours–but I’m not going to get into it. It’ll only remind you of the painful loneliness, and it’ll force me to dwell on all of the things I wish I’d done better. Focused harder in high school. Taken more risks. Treaded down the path less taken. Written on my Internet blog more. What’s important is that I’m here now.
Maintaining silence on all wavelengths has a curious effect on others. I’ve been writing for a long time, and most of my friends know about my hobby, but when I delete my Facebook and stop posting on my blog, those people think that my life has somehow taken a turn for the worst. That I’ve faded into obscurity where I chose to give up on my dreams.
Quite the opposite.
The writing’s never stopped on my end. It’s slowed down, it’s sped up, the rejections have broken me down, and the love for new ideas has built me back up. The important thing though is that I’m still writing, and I’m still working to perfect my craft.
I woke up yesterday morning to an email from an agent requesting to see my manuscript. Well, the agent’s assistant. After a bit of researching, I found that this assistant assisted the same agent who repped the author of the Divergent Series. I didn’t know this when I sent the original query to her. The realization shot this warm feeling down into the pit of my stomach that followed me around for the rest of the day.
Eventually I got the urge for some vicarious living and started looking up information on Veronica Roth, Divergent’s author. Eventually I found her blog. I scrolled all the way to the bottom and found some posts from back in the beginning. Back before the fame and what many unpublished writers think of as Easy Street (Which is bullshit, most likely. Writing never gets easier when you get published, and it’ll always find ways to break your heart. I have yet to reach that point in my writing career, but it’s something I can sense.). Seeing those posts of hers struck me in a funny way. Here was this person, seemingly living the dream, and she was writing about the despair I’ve been going through over the past couple of years while sending query letters out to agents.
When I first started this blog, I had certain guidelines for it. Only publish posts with lots of substance. Let it be a reflection of the books I wrote. I never intended to write many blog posts, but I feel like I should change that now, after reading a certain author’s posts about writers’ crises.
So, this post is for you. Whoever you are. I hope that this message sinks to the bottom of the website. I want it to become a note in a bottle, sent thousands of miles across the ocean to your very own spot on the beach.
Years down the road, if I’ve ever achieved some success doing what I love, you’ll come searching, wondering where I’ve started. And your search will bring you here. Back to the beginning, when I was just a kid hoping that my ideas mattered. Where I despaired and dreamed, just like every other writer. This post is for you.